Hi friends! I’m Holly Perona and welcome to my blog. I live in Ca with my husband and 3 babies! I was in desperate need of a creative outlet so here we are! If you stop by you’ll probably find me talking about my children, faith, painting, DIY attempts, my love for essential oils or road trips! My dream is to live on a little farm or at least have a bunch of animals. We already have a pet cow so that’s a start :)

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I have a kindergartner!!

I can’t believe my baby girl is going to be starting kindergarten this fall. Everyone always says to enjoy every moment because it goes by fast and I knew that would be true but I never imagined it would go THIS fast. I have tried to be intentional about being in the moment (although I fail at this daily) over the past 5 years. I knew she was going to grow quickly and I wanted to hold on to as many childhood memories with her as I could.

I actually started a journal to Ellie before she was even born so I could collect memories. Honestly, I would like to say that the journal is full of written pages but it’s not. I am horrible at keeping up with things like that! Pretty sure I have not filled out any of Maren’s baby book yet. #3rdchildproblems Anyway, I find that most of the times I have written in Ellie’s journal are after a really hard day and I am feeling guilty. After everyone finally goes to sleep is when I’m able to take a breath and think clearly. (mom life right.) But, those late night replays of the day are usually when regrets set it. I know there are no perfect mothers and I know God hand picked me to be my children’s mom…but lot of days I feel like I just don’t measure up.

a lot of days I feel like I just don’t measure up

I feel like I have been trying to figure this whole mom thing out since she was born and I’m still a work in progress! Ellie was a surprise to us (an amazing one) but things have always been a whirlwind and sometimes (most times) I think the dust is never going to settle. I’ve never minded telling people our little story…maybe because there is no hiding it lol. We will be married for 5 years in December (crazy!) and Ellie turned 5 earlier this year in April. Ya go ahead and do the math 🙂 I know this is common these days but it doesn’t come without its stress. There were SO many emotions that came with finding out I was pregnant with Ellie and a lot of hurts came up from my past. I knew one thing for sure and that was there was no doubt we were going to have her. Even through all of the other emotions I felt(mostly fear) I was still excited.

I prayed SO much during those first few weeks about where to go from there. I had just graduated with my Masters and had every intention of becoming a school counselor. Honestly becoming a wife and and mom was not even on my radar. Tom and I had been dating at that point (not for very long) and I wasn’t even sure where we were at in our relationship. I had NEVER pictured myself as a stay at home mom…or even a mom really. I had SO many feelings to work through and it was hard. Funny, now I can’t imagine myself as anything but a SAHM at this point in my life!

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

This verse has always been one of my favorites and I clung to it for dear life during this season. I knew that God’s plan was good. I knew that he COULD and WOULD make good things come from hard places. Ellie was born in April 2014 and she was the most beautiful baby ever. I know all moms say that…but seriously she was. She was in the NICU for the first week of her life and looking back now that was such a huge blessing for a nervous new mom. I had a whole team of nurses helping me learn how to care for a newborn. I actually got to sleep for hours at a time in my hospital bed and I knew she was under the best care. I was pretty spoiled by the whole thing and once we got back home I missed my nurses!

Reality set in fast and I struggled with some heavy postpartum blues. I never got on medication for it but I had so so many dark days. Looking back I actually don’t even remember a lot of her first year and it makes me so sad sometimes. But I also have learned I need to give myself grace most of all! Those years are over but they were not wasted.

Becoming a wife (to someone you’re still getting to know) and a mom all at the same time is not for the faint of heart. Yikes! I’ve always thought there is a reason God made it so our first memories don’t come until around age 4 (even though many will argue they had memories long before that). I think that reason is that those first few years are hard for all involved and it’s probably a good thing the children can not remember lol. I don’t even know how many times I cried during that first year and felt like a complete failure.

My faith that God works all things for the good is really what has kept me going. This season of life is HARD. Being a parent is hard, being married is hard, being married with small children..super hard. But it’s just a season. We have a lot of good times too, but sometimes I can’t handle ‘good times’ are all that people show any more. I hope my kids are learning by observation to trust in God through all circumstances….good and bad but most of all to have grace.

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