I had some time to myself today. A very short amount of time…but I got a lot of thinking done 🙌🏻 I had an appointment so my mom watched all of the kids for a couple hours. Lately I have just been ready for a reset. In every area of my life. I FINALLY decided to see a counselor and I found out my insurance will cover it! Can’t say no to that. I have no shame in my counseling game. I think everyone can benefit from counseling and venting to a neutral person. Our world could use a little more mental health support and maybe start removing the stigma. Once upon a time I was going to be a counselor! I finished grad school and was ready to start job searching. I started having babies instead though. 🤪 It’s still not off the table. I would love to go back to work someday but this is just not the season.
Anyway, I have just been feeling like I want to become the most healthy version of myself. Mentally & physically. I keep letting myself off the hook because ‘I’m a tired mom’. But at night I’m up late with guilt thinking of all the ways I could have done things better during the day. I don’t want my kids to remember a version of me that just barely made it through each day not really thriving. I don’t exercise anymore at all. I eat junk and drink too much beer 🤭 I am like the uncrunchiest ‘crunchy mama’. Lately, I’m just soggy.
I love my essential oils…but I need to go deeper than the surface…
I love all of my essential oils because of the simplicity that comes with them. They take only a few seconds to put on and only a few seconds to start working. That’s the kind of turn around rate I like to see lol. I do feel good about the changes I’ve made switching out products in my home. I need to go deeper than the surface though. Ditching toxins I’m consuming and ones I’m letting hang out in my mind. I am leaning toward trying the Whole30 plan. I THINK I can manage the 30 days. Honestly, I like that there is no alcohol and I can still drink coffee. Alcohol is something I have been wanting to cut back on lately anyway..it’s wayyy to easy to have a glass of wine (or 3) at the end of every day. I don’t feel a need to completely cut alcohol out of my life, but I would like to just cut it out for the 30 days. Plus, I don’t want my babies to see their mama drinking wine every single night.
As far as toxic things I need to reset my mind from…too many to count! I’ve let so much bitterness creep in over the years and honestly I’m just tired of it. It makes me irritable, edgy and snappy with my family and that is not ok. One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard years ago is…
“Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die“
Or something along those lines..I am probably way off I can never remember words 😂 But it’s so true. I could write a whole book on how our lives can turn out so far from what we expected. It has been a constant battle in my mind knowing how completely blessed I am but struggling with resentment that creeps up in my heart. It’s awful. I had all the plans laid out for what I was going to do and guess what…my life looks absolutely nothing like any of my plans. I’ve felt a nudge lately to pick a chapter of the Bible to really study. I happened to flip open to Ezekiel and it was no accident. I never realized Ezekiel’s plans got flipped upside down.
He pivoted and surrendered himself fully to whatever God’s new plan was for his life.
Ezekiel studied to be a priest his entire life. That was what he was going to do…no doubt about it just like his dad. But he gets throw a curve ball in his late 20s and gets taken captive. That entire vision for his life was gone in an instant. He was never going to be ‘that man’ that he had always imagined. Ezekiel didn’t become depressed and resentful though. He PIVOTED and surrendered himself fully to whatever Gods new plan was for his life. I want to be more like Ezekiel. Why can’t I do that?
What I’m seeing through studying this book and just REALLY getting real with my own beliefs…I have had the mindset that things are not going like they are ‘supposed to’. In reality things are going exactly how they are supposed to I just can’t see the whole picture. Yes, I may have an idea in my head of what I thought life might look like but that was never Gods plan from the start. Where I am at right now is exactly where I’m supposed to be. If I can just focus on that and trust that the Lord knows exactly where I need to be..then what really do I have to feel resentment about? This is why I want to work on being healthier, have more energy and a better attitude. God has me as a wife and mama to 3 sweet babies. He must know I’m capable of it all and I want to embrace right where I am at. 💜